a little good karrma: 2014

strength in the storm.

5:43 PM

Last year my brother-in-law was in a near-fatal motorcycle accident. This last weekend he was, horribly, in another motorcycle accident.

It feels weird sitting at the hospital again, in the same ICU waiting room as last year—a space that had slowly started to fade from memory, fuzzing into what felt like simply a terrible nightmare from long ago. But now that nightmare is back, and we find ourselves playing the waiting game yet again.

But this time it’s different. Last year, it was Mike’s body we were praying to heal. This time, it’s his mind.

And that makes it completely different. The worry is different. The frustration is different. The pain is different. The fear is different.

It also makes the hope different. It’s a hope that goes beyond the physical body and to the spiritual body. Our focus and hope is now on the spirit and the soul. Hope we will get back the Mike we all know and love.

And that has made me reflect on who we all really are. We are more than flesh and blood—it is our spirit that makes us truly unique. Who we are is really made up of choices and experiences and thoughts and dreams and the determination to always move forward and to love.

The strength of my family these last few days has been tested, and, in my opinion, they are each coming out victorious. It is a strength that has drawn us closer together. My family and family friends have been so inspiring—they have looked beyond the heartbreaking tragedy and instead focused on the little, beautiful moments happening amidst this pain. They have concentrated on the positive when the darkness has loomed. And they each have been a remarkable reminder that we have the power to choose our outlook. That we can choose to let go of thoughts that will destroy us, and hold on to the ones that will encourage us. We have the power to decide that we will always look for the silver lining, and find strength in the goodness of love.

Of course it is terrifying—not knowing the future. Waiting as each second ticks slowly by. But courage comes in many forms. It does not always show itself boldly and loudly; sometimes it is simply the act of standing when you want to collapse. Smiling when you want to cry. And loving when you want to despair.

After all, our attitude is half our reality. And that is the only half we can control.

It has been said that once you walk through a storm, you will not leave it the same person you were when you entered. But who you are in the storm, and who you emerge as from the storm is your choice—no matter how hard the storm rages. And no matter what this tragedy brings, I have felt the love, kindness, hope, and strength of family and friends that gives me the peace to know we will all be ok...because we have each other.

family

october.

9:30 AM

goals

dance.

9:15 AM

goals

focus on the positive.

8:59 AM

home

little home improvements.

9:30 AM

family

where home is.

1:54 PM

You know you’re busy when you look at your blog and realize you haven’t posted for months. But we really have been busy! Like, sold-and-bought-a-new-house busy!

We’ve set out to achieve new goals, and have fitted those goals with a new, super cute home in Sandy. I promise I’ll post lots of pictures soon, and if you want a “we’ve moved” card please send me your address! It’s been a time full of nervous excitement and lots of decisions, but thankfully Josh and I have had each other…which brings me to the point of this post.

Throughout this selling, homelessness, and buying process, I’ve better realized what the true meaning of “home” really is:

Home is anywhere you are loved.

You see, I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to move. I don’t like to move because I like knowing that no matter what happens during the day I am going home to a place familiar and comforting. And so I was quite off-balance these last few months, and while trying to keep all the chaos organized I was being beaten down by it…until Josh’s love and the kindness of family and friends reminded me that home truly is where the heart is.

I know we all have heard that saying. “Home is where the heart is.” It's cliché, but it’s true. We all feel it. But, as I’m sure most of you know, when you’re unsure where your physical home is going to be, you have the opportunity to learn on a much deeper level what that saying really means. It means home is where love is.

So my home is Josh. And all my family. And friends. And my pups.

This thought applies to a lot of situations I know, but it's something to always keep in mind. It’s great to take care of your physical house, but I've been reminded we can’t forget to take care of the real, soul-sheltering home that is all around us. Because that is what’s going to keep us safe when life gets rough. That support is stronger than any wood or bricks. And when you center on what really matters, you find yourself detached from those stresses that have been driving you crazy. Life becomes remarkably peaceful amidst the unfamiliar.

So thank you Josh and Mom and Julie and Mark and family and friends for reminding me in a thousand little ways where my true home really is.

falling leaves.

halloween.

door and window.

three years.

strength in the storm.

october.

dance.

focus on the positive.

little home improvements.

where home is.

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