(Before I begin this post, I want to note that it wasn't Josh, and that we are very happy.)
Last week someone pissed me off. Like, insulted me so deeply I was still thinking about it days later—and a bubble of anger rose in me every time I did. If you know what that feels like, you know it’s not pleasant. I tried to meditate, think kind thoughts, etc., but for some reason I just couldn’t shake it. I felt helpless.
But I worked through
it. How? By realizing it’s OK to not be OK.
And I think this applies to many
situations. We’ve been taught we must move on from emotional pain quickly,
and, if we can’t, then there’s something wrong with us. And that’s just
silly. So here are some tips that hopefully will help push out the anger and
hurt, and get you back to being you!
- Get it out. Let yourself feel hurt and upset. Don’t, under any circumstances, bury it—you’ll regret it later. Verbalize or write the way you feel until you’re exhausted. Repeat if necessarily. If you can express it to the person who made you feel that way, do it gently. If not, vent to a stand-in friend or even a pillow or plant or anything else you feel will do the job. If you do this, it can’t bottle up inside you. You will have to face it and then sort things out—and that’s really the first step in forgiving.
- Become ok with the “why.” People do stupid things—sometimes on purpose, and sometimes not—and that often leads to hurt feelings. Our brains are programed to try and make sense of things, but that can often be hard with emotions. So, take some time, and a few deep breaths, and really try to figure out why that person may have done or said something that hurt. Even if the answer is just because they are a big fat meany pants, you have a reason! A reason your brain can then sort, process, and move on from.
- Think positive thoughts about yourself. In society today, it's really taboo to praise yourself, but being a little narcissistic, privately, after a bad experience can really help. You need to realize you are bigger and better than your anger. You are too important to be tied up in pain. You are unique—so don’t let that hurt change you into someone you’re not!
- Smile and laugh. I don’t mean you have to burst out into fits of grins and giggles, but laughter really is one of the best medicines. It can take the most serious situations and make them seem insignificant. It relieves pain. It helps you realize that joy is what’s important in life, and that it’s not worth stressing over things from the past and future you can’t control. Take your focus and set it dead center on happiness in the moment, and, when you do, you’ll find that it's all around you!
- Let go. Now for the hardest part: making the choice to not hold a grudge. Really detaching yourself from it. Letting all that emotion melt away. Take some deep breaths, and know that you have so many wonderful things to do and experience in your life, and you don’t want to be emotionally hauling around those people who've hurt you. They'll get really heavy really fast. Promise yourself to focus on kindness—and then do so! That’s when love just breaks all the negative energy, and leaves you centered on what’s important.
I’m not saying
there aren’t a million different ways for someone to forgive, but these points
really help me. I promise it’s better to forgive, and healthier too! And while
it may be easier said than done, one of the best feelings in the world is when
you have joy in life, confidence in your actions, and peace with those around you.
So get out
there, and start forgiving! All the happy people are doing it.
