Anyone who knows us knows that we are in no real rush to have kids. But that doesn’t mean our parental instincts are somehow malfunctioning—and we both admit we may elevate our pups above the normal “dog” standard of caretaking. Though we honestly don’t mind the funny looks when we are toting our pups in a bicycle trailer, or holding them like babies, or buying Jeff anxiety medicine, because we can biasedly say that our dogs are just as cute as any kid. Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate people who have kids in this stage of their lives, but here are some reasons why we think dogs are easier than kids.
Going on outings with kids.
People love kids because they can take them on outings. Rolling your toddler through the park and posting pictures of them on Instagram as they adorably waddle across the grass is completely picturesque. Their eyes fill with wonder as they follow a rollie pollie across the sidewalk, and a heart-melting smile breaks across their face as they to reach out and touch it. The moment couldn’t be more perfect. But then, right when you think things couldn’t get any better, the sudden tuck of the bug into a protective ball is a bit more than your child was expecting, and they decide that the rollie pollie has turned from a cute curiosity to a ball of death they are horribly too close to. Cue inconsolable screams of terror and confusion. Your blog-worthy park trip has suddenly taken a turn for the worse, and as you quickly tote your terrified megaphone back to the car, you begin to wrack your brain for a game plan that will return your world to peace.
Going on outings with dogs.
It is no secret—dogs LOVE the park. And let me tell you, they are just as adorable and Instagramable when they are frolicking through the grass and exploring. And, when they happen upon a rollie pollie, they jump around it like they are on a trampoline and then proceed to run in an almost hysterically blissful manner because of their discovery. They are happy the whole time at the park, and then are happy on the ride home and happy to take a nap. No fighting sleep for these guys.
Date night with kids.
So Friday night has rolled around, and you are excited for either a break from the office or to talk to someone with a vocabulary greater than a 3-year-old’s. You’ve showered, put on date-appropriate attire, happily discussed the different possibilities for destinations, and picked up the house a bit before you leave. But, to the crumbling of your universe, the babysitter calls sick. Now the decision no Friday night should ever face has crashed into your living room like the Kool-Aid man. You will either have to stay home, or brave the evening out with your toddler as the third wheel. And no matter which path you choose, the enjoyment level of your evening is now in the mysteriously sticky hands of your child.
Date night with dogs.
Dogs are significantly different than kids when it comes to date night. You can leave a dog alone in a pin for a few hours on a Friday night and not have Child Services waiting for you when you get home. Being able to leave your pup behind is a huge freedom that you give up with a kid—and that right there is the main reason why dogs are easier than kids. Provided with food, water, and some sort of entertainment, most dogs are perfectly fine giving you a little “us-time.” And you will never get a call from the babysitter needing you to cut your date short because one of your dogs won’t stop screaming and the other has colored all over the wall.
Training kids.
Kids require much more training than dogs. You have to teach them everything from walking to waiting in line to tying their shoes to swimming to flossing to riding a bike to making a bed to saying “please” and “thank you” to feeding themselves to using the potty to putting on sunscreen to blowing their snotty nose in a tissue and not your hand to doing laundry to being respectful to schoolwork to balancing a checkbook, and the list goes on and on. You spend months and months of your life as a zombie trying to teach a child to sleep through the night. And, the unconditional love a child quickly disappears when you ground them for hitting their sibling or tell them they can’t eat another piece of cake because they've already had three. They can go from your best friend to your worst enemy in mere seconds.
Training dogs.
On the other hand, there is a pretty simple list of things you need to teach a dog in order to have a great relationship. Once they’ve mastered “Sit” “Stay” “Come” “No” not to pee in the house and to stay in the yard when outside, you’re pretty much good to go. Yes, there are little things you need to show them, like how to play fetch and not to get on the furniture, but you will be met with a desire to please. And when a dog DOES do something wrong, they always come back with “I’m so so so sorry for chewing on your new DVD case” kisses; it’s hard to stay mad long when they look at you with those big puppy eyes full of apologizes and love… instead of screaming and slamming the door.
Now, I am in no way saying that dogs are better than kids. They're both adorable. I’ve been told on several occasions that people love nothing more than being a parent. And when we have kids I’m sure we will dote on them just as much—if not more—as our dogs. So, parents, take this as a compliment! When you are handling your crying child at the park while we play fetch with our pups, I am in awe of your ability to remain calm...or completely understand why you just lost it.
